Thursday, August 6, 2020

. Be With People Who Love You

Inner peace
Protect Your Inner Peace (c)

My good friend, B.A was nursing the metaphorical broken heart. Tall, dark, rich and handsome, he ticked all the right boxes of the clich├ęd definition of a desirable male like it was a class quiz. A sports enthusiast, he had the physique of an Olympian but the mild manners of a well groomed alter boy. Normally, he was accustomed to having a firm control of his emotions. But the failure of a three year relationship revealed the chink in his armour. Believe me, it is a depressing thing to see a grown man muffle his tears with a pillow as he cried himself to sleep. 

I say “the failure of a three year relationship” and that is part of the problem. Actually, they did not have an agreement as to being committed to one another. Often when the lovesick complains of being in a bad relationship, it is usually the case that their suitor did not agree there was a relationship. That was the case here.

They were on one of those trial relationships in which one partner does not say no and therefore opened the door for the suitor to continue pursuing. It too often ends in tears. The science of affection teaches us that the heart wants what it wants or vice versa. It can nudged but not ordered. It can be swayed but not directed. Love can not be bought but it must be maintained.

A person who obtains gifts of value for being a love interest has a real personal motive to continue being a coquette and make no firm commitments. This is not a new discovery, it is human nature to respond to incentives. You want to deal only with adults who can say yes when they mean yes and no when they mean know.

What then is the secret of successful relationships? Firstly, be wary of vulnerability vampires who are hunting for the chink in your armour. Don’t be a victim, protect your heart and mind. Learn to be at peace with being alone instead. Secondly, form the habit of loving those who love you back. Take care of those who take care of you. Create an internal ranking order that puts first those who pull through for your. There should be different levels of relationships; no one should get into your inner sanctum without actively earning. Show goodwill to all but demand proofs.

Finally, make respect – self and mutual respect – a core inflexible requirement of your relationships. Don’t be a fool in love, don’t make fools of those who love you. The days of blindly falling in love are over; procure your entanglements with wisdom and discernment.

In summary, surround your self with those who love you. Love those who love you and take care of those who take care of you. Reward loyalty and faithfulness and you will attract more of same.

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